PART FOUR: Chapter Two

PART FOUR: Chapter Two

     The days following my college graduation, I worried about landing a teaching job. I had job applications with the Providence, Lincoln and Coventry School Departments. During the summer of 1998, I worked at Cafe Luna in Cranston's Garden City. It was money in my pocket and I worked nearly every day. I worked from opening until just before the shift change for the dinner crowd. The customers love me and tipped me heavily I told my boss about my search for a teaching job. I didn't want to have worked so hard just to end up working in a cafe. I would work all morning and Eric would take my car to supposedly go to work as well. He got out before I did, so he was able to pick me up from work. I thought it would be fair to share instead of having him walk or take the bus.
      One day at work, I grew very ill. I was dizzy and it was not good practice to have ill workers around food. I knew Eric was available so I called home to see if he would be able to pick me up. By this time, I had moved into a luxury apartment complex in Cranston and was foolish enough to take Eric along with me. It was I who paid for all of the moving expenses and the first few months of rent since Eric claimed he had court fines to pay due to being unfairly charged with assault from an old girlfriend who cheated on him. I was foolish to give him the benefit of the doubt.
     On the day I was ill at work, I repeatedly called the house because he was usually home taking a nap after work or so he claimed. No answer. A guy who worked in the kitchen at my job offered to take me home. He was a really nice guy, a good friend, and I trusted him not to do anything bad. Upon arrival at my apartment complex, I spotted my car parked in the parking lot. After thanking my coworker, I rang the outside buzzer to be let in since I had forgotten my keys. I waited. No response. He could have  been at the pool since it was definitely hot enough and he liked to swim. I pressed the buzzer again and waited. My back to the street, I began to cry. My coworker who wouldn't leave until I was inside, rolled down his window and asked if I wanted him to wait or if I'd like to be taken back to work. Forcing a smile, I turned to face him and said that it was ok, I'd be fine. He asked me if I were sure and I nodded, thanking him. He reluctantly drove away and I turned back to the door. Finally, someone from one of the other apartments came out and I was able to get into the building. I tiredly dragged my sick body up the flight of stairs to the third floor. Pressing my ear to the door of my apartment, I heard muffled voices which infuriated me. My head was whirling and I could feel my blood begin to boil. Clenching my fingers into a tight ball, I banged on the door like a police officer searching for a criminal. I heard a startled shriek , scrambling and movement. Who the hell else was in there? I could not think and I was beginning to lose my balance. Shortly, Eric opened the door, his teeth stretched into a Cheshire Cat grin. I screamed that I had called him and he said he didn't hear the phone. I told him that the apartment was small and that there was no way he didn't hear it! I suddenly felt as though I was going to vomit. I wanted to check the closet by the door as I suspected someone was hiding in there. He stood next to the closet, still grinning. I swayed on my heels. I had to get to the bedroom. Somehow, I managed to make it to the bedroom and the last image I saw before I lost consciousness, was the Cheshire Cat grin on Eric's face as he closed the bedroom door and he and whoever was hiding in the apartment creaked shut the apartment door.


     When I was well enough to return to work, I told myself I'd focus on getting a teaching job. I saw that as my way away from Eric, Rhode Island and my old life. Eric had tried to apologize to me by buying me a dozen roses and giving them to me at work. I waited until we got home before I threw the roses on the floor, stomped on them and unleashed an angry , violent stream of curses. I was never a person to curse but somewhere from some deep cavern of my soul erupted a volcanic explosion of the most vile curses known to man. This was our first of many violent arguments. There was no peace in our relationship. I was so angry and hurt. Eric became angry as well. He took his motorcycle helmet and flung it at all of my beautiful figurines on the living room shelf, sending them crashing to the floor in a screeching shatter. Instantly, I was silent and he began to  loudly curse at me. His hands in his head, he stormed to the bedroom with that irritating limp of his and cried. Silently standing in the kitchen alone, I simmered like the volcano after an eruption and promised myself that I would get away from him but I will have to be prepared first.
     Shortly after my first argument with Eric, I was asked to teach short-term at my old high school. I was working at the cafe one day when one of my favorite high school teachers walked in and instantly recognized me. He was the new principal and when I told him of my graduation, he invited me to the school the following day to take a short-term position for a teacher who was having a baby. To me, a short-term position was better than a no-term position.  Since I had forbade Eric to use my car after the argument and since he began not coming home, I was able to go meet my former teacher at the school the following day. My boss at work was so happy for me, she told me to go and not miss it for anything. I was given the position on the spot as well as lead across the street to the school department's administrative building in order to meet the women in charge of hiring the high school teachers. I was so excited and happy to have the position. I got right to work, pouring over the curriculum for the English department.
     Despite my having graduated from the high school, I was very intimidated. I began to doubt myself and wondered if this were something I could really do. When Eric began to show up again, I excitedly told him the news wrongly assuming he'd be happy for me. He was cold. By this time, I had discovered that Eric graduated from Mount Pleasant High School at the age of 26 because he skipped classes and even whole years. He also couldn't read, something I could not comprehend. He had used some girls to do his work and somehow managed to earn enough credits to graduate. It was like my father all over again. How could I be with someone who couldn't read and who had no hunger to learn about the world? Oh, no, he had to go but how was I going to do it?
     About a week after landing the temporary job at Classical, my old high school, I received a call from the principal of Oliver Hazard Perry Middle School. The principal asked me, "How would you like a full-time, permanent position at my school?" Full time? Heck, that was great!  I couldn't believe my ears! In my selfish excitement, I did not thank God for opening this door for me and I almost did not get the position. I was supposed to go in for an interview the very next afternoon. Eric had asked to use my car for a medical appointment and I had already agreed but it was in the morning and surely, he'd be back in time so I could make it to my interview. I told him of my interview the night before and he agreed he would be back in time, only he wasn't. Dressed in my best suit, I waited and waited for him to show. Nothing. Maybe he was in an accident? I called the school telling them what was going on and the principal seemed to understand. Finally, an hour later, Eric showed and I shoved him out the door telling him I was late for my interview. He mumbled something about it just being a "stupid interview" and that I won't get the position anyway. I tried to ignore him because I knew he was just insecure since he never tried to do anything for himself besides play video games all afternoon. I was always helping him and trying to encourage him to do something for himself. He signed up for and went to his CDL classes but never attended class. He even signed up for and paid for his motorcycle license and stopped going after he was told he'd have to take a test. So, his situation was not my fault and I was not going to let him blow my chances at success.
     Thankfully, I was given the position on the spot and given the keys to my classroom. I eagerly asked if I could go look at my room and what I saw horrified me. The room was dark, dusty and musty. It looked as if no one had been in the room since 1976. In fact, I thought found yellowed mimeographed papers in the draw of an old wooden cabinet that dated back to that year. I had a lot of work to do and I was going to do it. As I waited outside for Eric to return to pick me up, I contemplated my soon-to-be new life. It would be hard breaking the news to Classical but they'd understand.
      First year teachers in Providence who had only a Bachelors made $25,000 a year but to me that was big money. I had never made that much before. I was so excited. Eric no longer fit into my world. The next two years would be difficult for me as I pursued my career and struggled to help Eric better himself so that he could become an academic equal to me. It was a battle that I would lose. Eric was stubborn, jealous and insecure. As the years progressed, he'd become angrier at me for being a professional and resorted to emotional and physical methods to make me pay for humiliating him with my success. He would even show up to my school, looking unkempt and angry to embarrass me. My colleagues thought so highly of me that I was too ashamed to tell them the truth of what was going on. I hid bruises with long sleeves and smiles. Being at school made me feel strong, respected and in control. Why couldn't I see what Eric was doing to me? Why was I so afraid of him?